


But if the world was ending, You’d come over right?

by GOTHMARK



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bitter sweet ending?, Crying, Don’t sleep with your ex, Heartbreak, M/M, Rough Sex, Smut, break ups, but wait, jaemins one sided crush, mention of violence, some alcohol abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:20:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27330361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GOTHMARK/pseuds/GOTHMARK
Summary: It was never this bad, it wasn’t supposed to get this bad and mark let it fall apart. No fight should’ve been this bad, no fight should’ve ended with Johnny walking out.Or Marks road to recovering from heartbreak.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Na Jaemin, Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 7
Kudos: 70





	But if the world was ending, You’d come over right?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is something that’s been on my mind and I adapted it from a twitter thread I did. 
> 
> I changed a lot of things so don’t worry about the thread. Like it kinda sucks. Didn’t want to make mark suffer like this and now I’m sad.
> 
> This is my longest fic I’ve written, and I wanted to make it longer. 
> 
> Funny how Haechan is Marks best friend but I barely mention him, ffffffffff
> 
> Tittle from, if the world was ending by JP saxe ft Julia Michaels.

Most days mark would wake up embraced, body pressed against another male. His eyes struggled to open, vision blurred but the shape of Johnny was there. He didn’t think it was possible to love someone more than he already did. 

Eventually you reach a point right? But every morning he woke up doing just that. 

Once his sight came too, a smile crinkled at the corner of his mouth.

Sleeping Johnny was always a sight. His torso glowed from the morning light seeping through the ugly curtains that the mark definitely didn’t want, Johnny's tastes were too plain, mark wanted the one with the flowers.

But anything for Johnny. 

Mark didn’t bother to move, he could stay in bed watching him sleep all day. Long lashes glimmering, mouth slightly agape, soft snores because yes Johnny snores no matter how many times he denied the fact.

But it didn’t last long before Johnny stirred awake, rubbing his eyes and smiling, strong arms pulling mark closer to him, hugging him tight, because he too enjoyed the pleasure of another person.

Kissing his chapped lips. 

“Hi Morning breath” 

“You still love me” indeed, Mark did, forever and always. 

These were his typical mornings, both of them brushing their teeth, battling for space in the tiny mirror that they refused to replace. It was the only thing they could afford when they first moved in together. 

Sentimental value and all.

But they slept huddled up together and that’s all that mattered to them. 

-

When Mark woke up alone the first time, everything tumbled down. He told himself he would get used to the feeling, the feeling of not having someone to wake up too, someone not embracing him, telling him sweet nothings so early in the morning. 

The bed was too small for both of them anyways, hence why they were always pressed so close. 

-

“Earth to mark” 

Mark snapped his head up, met with the soft gaze of his coworker. 

“Been calling you for the last minute, you okay?” 

Jaemin was nice, they got along great, he trained mark to the fullest, making sure he was prepared to serve coffe with the biggest smile. And the only one who really knew what demons mark was battling. He was sure Jaemin liked him, in the non friend kind of way. 

He didn’t think much about it, he liked jaemin sure, just in the friend kind of way. 

So mark faked a smile, something that he’s gotten better at after a couple of months. “I’m okay.” Everyone went along with it, not wanting to hover mark too much. 

Coworkers, friends, and family. They all knew that smile hid thousands of emotions. 

But he poured the idea of “I’m okay” so they drank it.

-

“Does this look okay” Mark twirled like a princess, the shirt fitted semi-tightly around his waist, jeans hung low, cuffed at the bottom. 

“Hmm, maybe add a belt” Johnny suggested, looking up from his book. Johnny liked to read, a lot, introduced a whole bunch of new books to mark. Some sucked, some were interesting, like the one about Mr.Darcy and Elizabeth. Pride and— something that mark couldn’t remember, but he liked it. 

“Belt? Color or just plain black?” 

“Definitely plain black” 

Mark pursed his lips into a pout. “Your tastes are so plain”

“But I’m dating you, so they aren’t all plain”

Marks heart skipped, lips now curled into a smile, jumping onto the bed to hug his bear of a boyfriend. “Say more things like that”

“Forever” 

But forever is a funny word, meaningless truly.

-

Mark didn’t eat much or sleep, and it was noticeable. He battled school and work. The bags under his eyes said enough. 

“Eat this”, mark looked up from his textbook, glasses hanging from his nose. 

“I’m not hungry but thanks” Haechan frowned. 

“I can hear your stomach”. Mark listened to the growl, loud and strong. And yet no urge to eat the plate of food hyuck probably bought from the cafeteria. Mark hated that cafeteria, too loud, too crowded, and too expensive. Which is why mark sat outside most of the time. 

It was pretty, a small garden that he helped plant. And he could actually hear himself think. 

“I’m really not” mark looked at his watch, and lied through his teeth. “My class is starting, see you later.”

And just like jaemin, hyuck was a good friend, best friend since middle school. He stayed with mark through it all. Bringing him food he hardly ate, he knows how much mark likes to cuddle, so he hugged Mark tightly, letting him cry on his shoulder. 

But now Mark was distancing himself. From everyone. 

All they could do was sigh and hope for the best.

-

“Oh common, these are pretty” mark held up the flower curtains. “They totally match our bedroom” they didn’t.

“Mark we have like nothing in our bedroom” they just freshly moved in like a week ago. The apartment was nice, something Marks parents helped pay for. Both Johnny and mark a little too broke. 

But it was perfect. 

Close to the college they went too, close to their workplace, a good balance, just slightly expensive. Nothing but cup noodles and sleeping on just a mattress. 

“You’re the one who wants to spend our money on curtains” 

“Well you’re the ones who bought a mirror for the restroom, now that could’ve waited” 

Mark didn’t fight back, defeated because he was right. 

So they went with the plain curtains Johnny picked. And they weren’t even the exact size for the stupid big windows in their bedroom. 

The extra room was used as storage, boxes of unwanted things that the swore they would sell. Marks instruments that cost him an arm and leg. And johnny's paintings. He doesn’t paint anymore, hasn’t for years but when he did mark enjoyed watching it.

The gentle brush stroke, the sweet sound of Johnny humming a tune, the way he would turn around and give mark a smile, paint on his cheek, like it was his birthday and someone smeared frosting on his face. 

He would always ask, “does this look good” and mark always answered with a “art gallery worthy.” 

They put up the curtains, brigh lights no longer bothering them. 

“I guess it looks kinda cool but still ugly” 

“Please leaves my curtains alone” 

Mark hummed, pushing his body weight on Johnny. “Fine only because I love you” 

“I love you more” 

Love, another funny word. 

-

The curtains still hung there. Mark wanted nothing more than to rip them off every night he got home. Left to dwell on the memory.

-

Mark thought about getting a roommate, the apartment wasn’t cheap. And he couldn’t ask his parents for help forever, despite how eager they were to help him. 

His job didn’t pay enough for rent, and everything involved.

Jaemin jumped at the offer, “I hate my roommates, too loud.” Mark met them once before, and they certainly were too loud, especially at a cafe, acting like it was a bar. 

Though they were nice, specifically Renjun. He was small, and sweet, offering the warmest smile. Sung well too, mark figured out from the time jaemin invited him to karaoke one time. 

“You know Mark makes music—” jaemin said. 

“As a hobby” Mark added, he currently drowned himself in the soju bottle. 

“Yes— but he’s good, you guys should make a song together” 

“Let’s” renjun clapped his hands together, excited. 

That was when Mark actually liked his music., now he doesn’t want to think about it. Most of the songs were written for Johnny, about Johnny. He threw them all away. 

-

“What do I do with these?” jaemin pointed at the two boxes on the floor. Right, they never fully unpacked everything. “I’ll take them” there was plenty of space in his closet since Johnny moved out, plenty of space everywhere. 

“You didn’t have to move your instruments, I don’t mind” 

“Oh please” 

He couldn’t bring himself to sell or throw them away like he did with his songs. Too much money spent on them. 

“They look better in the living room anyways, brings a sort of aesthetic” 

Jaemin brought color to his apartment, much different from johnny's taste. The couches were littered in colorful pillows. Beautiful paintings of flowers, and mark loves flowers. 

Jaemin was quite the plant lover too, the living room filled with indoor plants. 

“I’m like a plant mom” 

“I can tell” 

“We can be plant parents together” 

“We can” 

And the apartment felt warm again. 

-

He wasn’t exactly sure what went wrong, every couple fights, that’s true enough. Like the time they fought about mark being late for an appointment that they both had. 

Or the time Johnny broke one of marks mic. 

But a simple “I’m sorry” and a kiss fixed everything. Couples worked through their problems, why was this time any different. 

Maybe it was him? Was mark too needy? Not needy enough? Did he not do enough for their relationship. They both had school and work but mark made time for Johnny. 

“Mark it’s not you— it’s me—“ the words hit him like a freigh train, filled with nothing but anger. 

“Get out”

“Mark” Johnny got closer, hands trying to grab a hold on mark. “Listen Im—“ 

“Get out! Getoutgetoutgetout” mark huffed, choked, “just leave” 

And Johnny did, keys hitting the table, door slamming shut. The motor of a car starting and a screech as it left. 

It was never this bad, it wasn’t supposed to get this bad and mark let it fall apart. No fight should’ve been this bad, no fight should’ve ended with Johnny walking out. 

Mark thought it was just something they needed to work out, but he was wrong once an hour later his phone dinged. Flashing bright as mark grabbed it from the nightstand. Eyes red, swollen and sensitive. 

He imagined an apology, an “I miss you” or anything between those lines.

Not an “it’s over” 

That was the day mark broke his phone, that was the day a lot of things broke. Mark never responded, never even opened it in fact. His brain accepted the words in the moment but his heart shattered. 

Nothing could repair it, not the strongest glue, no surgery. A permanent scar embedded in his chest, reading,

“Johnny suh.”

-

His phone was salvageable, so he fixed the only thing that could be. 

-

“We should throw a party”

“Why” Mark curled into his laptop, a terrible position to be in, his back ached but this essay needed to be done by tonight. God why did he choose medicine again.

“Because your classes are killing you and it’s my birthday soon” jaemin sat on the opposite end of the couch, working on his own essay too. Just more free spirited and carefree than mark. 

They usually did this, studied together and helped each other out. Despite having very different majors. But it worked, they enjoyed each other’s company. 

“Sure I guess, but it has to be after you finish that essay or so help me god” 

“Fine fine” 

They ended up taking a break, watching a film that jaemin picked out and it just had to be this film. 

“Wow keira knightley was great in that”

“y-yeah” there was a knot in Marks throat. He choked on his words. Tears threatened to slip out. 

“Mark? You okay” 

“Oh—yeah— just tired, goodnight” mark ran to his room, tears already sleeping out. He curled himself onto the bed, crying, sobbing because it hurt, everything hurt. 

Mark wasn’t excited about the party.

-

There were whispers around campus, it was big news to find out “Johnny suh is single”. It stung every time he heard it, every time a random girl would mention it. 

“Hey I heard Johnny broke up with you” they said, smugly, like they had a chance. 

Shut up shut up. 

They acted like mark got over Johnny quickly, he didn’t, he cried every night, pondered over him. It was stupid, he was stupid.

So mark took a vacation. 

Canada was a breath of relief. The familiar smells, sounds and sights coming back to him. The familiar tight hug of his parents. Nothing changed in his house, maybe some new furniture, but the same family photos hung up in the exact same place.

Same blankets he saw and slept with. 

“We missed you so much minhyung” mark did too. 

As night came, Mark familiarized himself with his room again. The same room he spent his childhood in—the same room Johnny spent some nights in. 

-

“Cool room” 

“I guess” 

Johnny insisted on meeting Marks parents, even offered to pay for his parents to come down to Korea. His yearly trip to Canada was due, and mark had enough savings to pay for both their plane tickets. 

“Okay it’s a little boring, where’s the posters, bikini girl calendars?” 

Mark looked and rolled his eyes at him.

“Guess you knew since you were young” he did, he never had interest in girls, dated one for the sake of his parents, turns out she was actually a lesbian doing the same thing.

She was nice though, and they stayed friends. And his parents didn’t care for their sons sexuality. That was sweet. 

“And hey! There’s a poster” mark pointed at the Coldplay poster pinned right above the headboard of his bed. 

The older male scoffed, “nice taste in music though.”

Johnny asked thousands of questions, about everything and anything he saw. Marks parents told stories, embarrassing ones like walking in on mark watching porn. Or the time he wwas chased by a dog. 

“It was a big dog!” Mark fought back, defending what little dignity he had left. 

He was young and stupid. Still is. 

“Your parents are so nice, your mom called me handsome” 

“Glad your getting along, so when am I going to meet your parents?” 

Johnny's expression dropped, it was different for his parents, the cat still wasn’t out of the bag, he had a lot of fear and worry about telling them that he was gay. 

“I’m sorry, I know, don’t worry I’ll wait for however long I need too” He never did meet them, maybe it was a sign, maybe mark should’ve known them and there.

-

Mark remembered every detail, every word shared between Johnny and Marks parents. The laughter echoed in his mind. 

Why couldn’t he get him out of his mind. Why wasn’t there a switch for this?

Why why why 

He spent that night in Canada crying something he wanted to avoid. Came to Canada to forget about him.

The rest of the trip went on fine, heart aching when he saw places he went to with Johnny. But it was nice with his parents, replacing everything mark had in mind for the time being. 

And the only time mark pushed himself to be happier, to make his smile believable. 

-

The party came on a Friday night. Somehow it ended up with more people then they bargained for. Mark recognized a few people from campus. But only focused on jaemin, Haechan and a couple of more friends.

But he never had much to begin with.

“Hey, how you doing.” Taeyongs voice is smooth, soft and caring. He was always like a second parents to mark. 

“Hi hyung, I’m good, like really good” mark swung his red cup in his face, he didn’t quite know what he was drinking, just that it was good. 

“Don’t drink too much” 

“This is my apartment, if I pass out, it works”

“Guess you’re right” 

“Where’s doyoung” mark took a drink, chugging the rest of it down, it burned, but it burned good. 

The room was spinning slightly, the music was too loud, surely there would be complaints from the neighbors. But college students right?

“He’s chatting up with jaehyun, who wanted to say hi so go talk to him” Jaehyun was Johnny’s friend, he only met him once at some party Johnny Invited him too. Nothing but frat bros and kegs. 

“o-oh sure” he swallowed a lump “I’ll do that”

He didn’t go immediately, searching for some more beer, or whatever it was that hyuck gave him. 

“Woah there” mark staggered 

“Jaemin” Mark whined, throwing his body weight onto jaemin. 

“Dude you’re drunk”

“Yeah—thanks to you” Mark slurred his words, and continued around the kitchen. He eventually found a bottle of Soju in the back of his fridge, not his favorite, but It’ll do. 

“Mark?” He whipped his head fast, neck making a pop sound. 

“Oh! Jaehyun— what’s up” 

“Wow I can smell the alcohol on you”

“Sorry” Mark giggled “I don’t drink this often so might as well go all out you know” 

“No no it’s fine, rock on” 

They chatted for a minute, jaehyun commenting on the fact that he never really saw mark after that one party. They exchanged numbers, jaehyun was a nice enough person. Mark probably wouldn’t remember this. 

-

The morning after the party came, mark waking up on his couch with a pounding headache. 

“Rise and shine princess” 

“Mmm jaemin?” Mark mumbled, rubbing his eyes, vision coming too. 

“Yes now get up breakfast is ready” 

Getting up was easier said then done, he felt sore, everything too bring and loud, the taste of alcohol lingered on his tongue. But jaemins cocktails of a drink definitely helped pass the ache in his head. 

His breakfast was good too. 

“What the fuck did I do last night” mark rubbed circles on his temples, he laid on the couch, blanket thrown over him. Jaemin told him to rest, even called in to work for him saying he’ll take his shift. 

“Drank your body weight I think, but it’s good, you let go and had fun”

And then mark felt it, there was a fuzzy feeling, warm, and happy. 

“I had fun” 

“Oh I know, I’ll see you later make sure to eat and drink” 

And jaemin left, leaving mark in his own thoughts. But they were happy thoughts this time. 

There was hope.

-

A relationship came easy to mark and Johnny, knowing each other for 10 years. Hanging out with each other almost every day. Mark sneaked out of his uncle's house for the first time for Johnny. 

They snuck into a concert, a band mark loved. 

In fact Johnny was Marks first for a lot of things, kissing a guy, they weren’t even together but Johnny thought mark looked pretty. 

The first time mark drank alcohol, he wasn’t even 21 yet but it was a party, and everyone but Johnny pressured him too. It tasted terrible. 

Marks first time smoking weed, happened the same day he drank, made for a funny story that Johnny told to all his friends. 

First date, a museum. Something mark didn’t expect from Johnny, but it was beautiful, but the true art was Johnny himself.

The first time for sex. It took mark a while to bring himself to do it with Johnny. Mark wasn’t confident, didn’t have a raging hot body like Johnny. But Johnny assured him he was pretty. 

“We don’t have to, but you should know I think you’re pretty in every way” 

And mark fell for it, fell for him all over again. 

Mark couldn’t hate him, not after 10 years of knowing each other, not after 3 years of being together and not after a year of living together. 

Just couldn’t. 

-

“You said what” jeno yelled, dramatically loud. 

Mark sat on the couch, bottle of beer in his hand. Jaemin roommates invited them to a small get together, get together meaning just the 6 of them, playing a game of spin the bottle like they were teens again. 

“Well you see—“ the conversation shifted into exes and crushes with jaemin talking about how he compared a girl to a cow—correction a baby cow. 

“They’re cute, and she was cute, I didn’t see the problem” 

“Stupid” jisung said quitely. He didn’t talk much, hung behind chenle most of the time. He wasn’t even college, just barely on his last year of highschool. Mark wondered how he ended up here. 

Jaemins friends were different from johnnys, a lot more mature than they ever were. Jisung was young, and yet they made sure he wasn’t drinking. Or doing any of the stupid shit mark did. It was comforting to see. 

“What about you mark” 

mark starred, blinked once, twice, swallowing thick, and chugged the rest of his drink. 

“Well my ex boyfriend broke my heart for no reason, 4 years down the drain.” 

“Oh” renjun said, tone apologetic. 

“It’s fine, I mean— can’t do anything, plus I’m okay, and for once I kind of mean that” 

It’s taken months to get to this place, where he wasn’t utterly depressed most of the time. “Enough with the depressing talks” jaemin came back with 6 more bottles in his arms. 

”let’s get drunk shall we” 

-

After that Mark started hanging out more, eating well and sleeping well. No longer dragging himself out of bed with eyes bags so deep and dark, eyes crusty from hours of crying. 

He was okay.

-

“You look good” mark yelped, gripping the broom in his hand tightly. 

“Fuck— jaemin, you scared me”

“Sorry, but you’re smiling like an idiot over here” 

“I am?” 

“Yes, yes you are, it’s a good thing though” Mark  
Shrugged, continuing his end of shift work. 

“You wanna grab dinner somewhere?” 

“You paying?”

“Yeah I’ll pay, I wanna talk about some stuff” 

“Sure, I’m down”. They finished their work quickly, waving goodbye to the rest of their co-workers. The caffe stayed open 24 hours, something mark liked since shifts ran all throughout the day, perfect for his class schedule. 

Jaemin decided on a diner, pretty much empty for the night except for one couple in the corner, giggling and kissing. 

“So whats up” 

Mark ordered a burger, jaemin copied him. 

“You just look different” 

“Is that bad” 

“No but— I know you probably don’t want to talk about him but it seems like things are getting better” 

Mark sighed, setting his fries down. Deep, exhale and Inhale. 

“I’m not over him per say. I still think about him, I’ve never been in love before, and Johnny showed me how to be” 

“Hyung—“

“Gross, you never call me that” Mark said jokingly. 

“That’s good” jaemin lit up, his feelings for mark never left and seeing him happy, it’s all he wanted. 

“Let’s eat” 

Dinner went by too quickly, the conversation shifting from topic to topic. College, friends. Jaemin asked if mark could take his shift in the afternoon tomorrow. Something about having to pick something up from his moms. Mark said yes.

“Thanks” 

Mark should’ve said no, nothing in the world would have prepared him for tomorrow. 

-

Mark liked flowers, loved them. And Johnny never wasted an opportunity to get him some. Birthdays, anniversaries, Marks graduation, even randomly one day when mark was sick, he surprised him with roses and chocolates. 

“You’re so cheesy hyung” 

“Geez can’t get a guy get a thank you” 

“Thank you, happy?” 

“Very, now get better so I can hug and kiss you”

Johnny was always the romantic of the two. Into the Typical couple shit, Mark was too just not as much. 

He was nice too, too nice. 

Gifted mark everything and anything, complimented him, even when mark didn’t do well. Soothed his back, massaged him even. The perfect boyfriend. 

“What did you think of me at first” mark asked, tracing the outline of johnny's chest as he laid on top of him. Blanket thrown over their naked bodies. Mark probably weighs nothing to him. 

“You're asking me this just now? Not very sexy” 

“So I’m not sexy?” mark pouted.

“No!—that’s not what I— wait—“ Johnny stuttered.

Mark bursted out laughing. 

“Kidding, seriously you’re cute hyung” 

“That’s all you” 

Johnny always kissed softly, always so gentle with mark. Like mark was a flower, careful with picking at the petals. 

-

The day was slow, Saturday afternoons were always slow, which is why he usually hated working this shift. He liked a fast paced environment, distracting him from other thoughts. 

“Taeil-hyung, can I just go home” Mark whined, head thrown over the counter. 

“Mark you have one more hour, jaemin never complains” 

Mark huffed, crossed his arms and whispered “you’re a mean manager, Yuta would let me go early. 

“Yuta thinks you’re the cutest thing on earth, of course he would” taeil still heard him. It’s true, Mark was yutas favorite, and mark took advantage of that. 

So mark stayed, groaning when Taeil gave him extra work to do. It wasn’t even busy. And yet he found work for him.

The familiar ding of the door rang, finally customers. 

“Hello, welcome to-“ his words were caught in his throat, heavy. His body stilled, then trembled. 

“Hi can we- oh mark?” 

The familiar presence of him was too much, and his arm thrown around someone mark knew well. “Jaehyun—“ his eyes never left jaehyun to scared to look at Johnny. 

“I didn’t know you worked here” he understood how jaehyun wouldn’t know but mark told Johnny where he worked dozens of times but I guess he shouldn’t blame him, he never visited much and maybe Johnny was over Mark.

Maybe he was over mark the second he walked out the door. 

Mark was forgettable. Is. 

“Haven’t seen you since that party you threw” 

“Party?” Johnny finally spoke, voice asking, and deep, just like mark remembers. He couldn’t help but take a look, and he saw Johnny for what he is. 

His hair was longer, probably hadn’t cut it since they broke up. Mark always did his hair for him, cut it, shaped it, kept it healthy. It was still a light brown, but dark roots threatening to come in, revealing his true color. 

He seemed more buff then last time, Johnny was always a gym nut. And mark loved to watch him work out.

His choice of outfit was the same, simple black T Shirt, jeans, a leather jacket the one mark gifted him for his birthday. He still kept it.

“Yeah, mark and his roommate threw this bomb ass party, mark was totally drunk” 

The air was heavy, awkward and mark wanted to run away, dig a hole, disappear into the abyss. It didn’t help that Johnny looked straight at him, up and down, looking away and muttering something to jaehyun before leaving to sit at a table. 

“I’m sorry—i didn’t—“

“Don’t, It’s okay”

“I wanted to tell you that day, but you looked like you were having fun, I didn’t want to ruin it” 

“Seriously— jaehyun it’s fine, I’m good” Johnny wasn't his anymore, probably wasn’t his to begin with, but mark was entirely his. 

“So what will you two have”

-

Mark gritted his teeth, not out of jealousy, out of hate for himself. It wasn’t long till his shift ended, and he could go home. Cry and forget about today. 

He made their coffee as quickly as possible. To his luck, Johnny walked towards him, hands in pocket, expensive watch shining at mark. Must’ve gotten a new job. 

“I didn’t tell jaehyun my order”

“What—“ mark looked up, eyes wide. 

“I said I didn’t tell jaehyun what I liked” Johnny chuckled. “Guess you still remember” 

“I guess” it was a habit, mark brought Johnny coffee every time he worked and got off. Johnny loves coffee like mark loves flowers. 

The words, “you make the best coffee” echoed in his mind.

“So new roommate? Party? New boy-“ 

“Have a good day Johnny, nice seeing you” 

Mark didn’t bother to stay for the rest of his shift, he texted taeil a “sorry, fire me if you want to” and left dejun alone. It wasn’t busy, he’ll be fine. 

Once he was home, he didn’t bother with anything, stomped through the door, ignoring jaemins “hey I’m back my mom packed us some—“ and slammed his bedroom door. 

He cried for once in a while, fat tears streaming down his face, straining his pillow sheets. Pathetic. Repeating in his mind. 

Eventually slumber hit him. He woke up at the crook of 1am, lips dry, mouth dry. He didn’t bother eating the food jaemin left him, a note reading “please eat”, going straight for some water then some beer. 

It’s been a while since he’s had alcohol, not since that small get together. He hummed as it hit the back of his troath swallowing it all in one gulp, not the best decision because he did it again, and again until he had a final bottle.

Room spinning, face hot and flushed. And everything went dark.

-

“Mark— Mark! Please wake up!” Mark groaned, eyes struggling to open. “Hey, hey” the voice was soft, gentle hands stroking his hair. 

“Jaemin?” Marks own voice was hoarse and harsh. 

“Yeah it’s me—I’m here—are you okay—I mean you just— geez you had me worried” 

“Where am I?”

“On the couch, I found you on the floor so I moved you” 

“Sorry” it came out as a mumble. 

“Don’t be, you wanna talk about it?”

No he didn’t, he didn’t want to talk about it. But it would help right? So mark explained, every detail, every feeling he felt being face to face with the man who broke his heart. 

“God—I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have asked you to take my shift” jaemin held him tight, too tight. Hand continued to stroke his locks, making up for the squeezing feeling. His other hand stroked marks back, rubbing soft circles, whispering “it’s okay” as mark sobbed into his shoulder. 

“I’m getting your good sweater dirty” 

“Don't worry, I’m always here to be a shoulder to cry on, fancy clothes or not” 

“Thank you jaemin” 

“I love you hyung, you know that” 

“I love you too jaemin” it wasn’t the same love that jamin felt but his heart couldn’t help but melt at Marks words. He’ll always be there for mark.

“Common let’s go to sleep”. 

The weather was getting cold, mark snuggled up in jaemins arm, the first time he’s ever slept in the same bed of someone else beside Johnny.

Warm. 

-

He didn’t see Johnny again after that, even took time of work, scared that he would come back just to torture mark. 

Or maybe mark was just full of himself. 

Taeil understood for the most part, gave him a week and a half. In reality he only wanted to give him 5 days but Yuta convinced taeil to give him more time. Thank god for Yuta. 

“Aren’t you going to go see renjun and them for a few days?” 

“Yeah but I don't have too, I can stay here I know you’re still feeling down” 

It was raining, the hard patter of the rain knocking on the windows. Mark wasn’t a big fan of storms, too loud, he just hated loud noises in general. 

Which is why he sat on the couch, sitting between jaemin. It became a hair to cuddle, even falling on top of jaemins chest, hard but the beat of his heart comforted him. 

“I’m okay jaemin, really! I go back to work soon, and you’ve been working hard, you deserve a break” 

“They can see me another day”

“seriously jaemin go” 

“Okay fine”

-

Tomorrow came and jaemin left with packed bags for a few days. “I’ll be back, call me if you need anything— and don't drink!” 

“Okay” mark rolled his eyes, waved goodbye and shut the door. He took a deep sigh, nothing but silence In the apartment, he hated loud noises but he hated silence even more. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness surrounding him. 

“I’m okay, I’ll be okay”

Mark had plenty of school work to do, but eventually he finished it all. The storm had calmed down for the most part, just a gust of wind and dark skies with minimal drops of rain. 

So he found himself on his phone, going through pictures, and checking messages. A couple from freinds, family. A lot from jaehyun. 

He apologized a lot after that day, mark didn’t bother to open any of them, he didn’t have to, there was nothing to forgive as there was nothing to apologize for. 

And then he stopped at Johnny’s, “it’s over” still bold and unread buried in the sea of messages. 

“Ha guess I never-“ ding, mark nearly dropped the phone on his face. A messages poped up, from the devil himself, replacing the old one. 

“Hey, you up?”

Johnny knew mark was up, he knew mark didn’t sleep well during this weather. 

Seconds passed, minutes passed before mark decided to message back, he shouldn’t.

“Yeah I’m up” 

Mark always repeated his messages to himself, 3 words but they said a lot. 

“How you holding up?”  
“The weather is crazy, I know you hate it”

He remembered. 

Maybe he remembered everything about mark like he remembers everything about Johnny. Maybe he did remember he worked at the cafe, maybe he was there too see mark. Maybe—

“Sorry to bother you, just…”  
“Just wanted to talk to you”  
“Maybe I shouldn’t have”  
“God I’m sorry” 

Mark has done a lot of stupid things in his life, jumping of the roof of his childhood home, breaking an arm in the process, sneaking out, breaking things, egging one of his neighbors house, he was rude and mean. 

“Come over?”

But this was the stupidest.

-

Mark puffed and coughed, the weed hit instantly. Mark was tiny, his body couldn’t handle it well, plus he did a shot of vodka.

“Getting double faded on his first time, what a champ” mark didn’t know this dude, an old friend of Johnny, oh sehun or something. 

“Leave him be, you okay?” Johnny pated his back “yea—urgh— actually think I’m going to throw up” and mark ran fast, but this wasn’t a house he was familiar with.

“Left! Go left, to your left!” They all pointed and mark sprinted to the bathroom, throwing up his stomach's contents. 

“Oh mark, there, there, you shouldn’t have done that” 

“ I wanted to impress your freinds, and you”

“Mark you’re 16, you have plenty of time to do things in the future, plus you’re already cool, I don’t know a lot of guys who can do gymnastics”

“That’s what impresses you about me?” 

“There’s a lot of things mark, I’m just naming something” 

Mark didn’t smoke after that, not until graduation, but he drank, partied with johnnys older friends, and Johnny protected mark from any of them getting to weird and handsy.

“He’s a kid and I’ll tear your dick off” it was the care that made mark fall for him. The way Johnny was always there, always included him and never pushed him to do things he didn’t want to. 

Johnny was the jealous type, nothing possessive. But mark remembers the one time when he met Lucas, someone who also had a thing for mark. 

“You’re so cute” lucas was drunk, very drunk. Lucas fingers ghosted over Marks cheek, he wanted to touch but he would never, not without Marks permission. “Soft” he mumbled looking straight at Marks lips.

“Okay, enough lu you’re too— mmf!” The next second lucas lips were on him, all morals flying out the window. 

Lucas was tall and big, like Johnny but much more. Muscular arms had mark caged in, broad body pressed marks own against the wall. 

Mark hated it, he pushed, pounded at his chest, eyes screwed shut. 

Let go let go let go— 

In a matter of seconds he felt lips leave him, screaming from a random girl, Lucas was on the floor, mouth bleeding and a very angry Johnny, knuckles red, and bruised. 

“j-joohn—“

“That’s my fucking boyfriend” and that’s how the cat was out of the bag, and everyone at campus knew mark lee and Johnny suh were an item. 

“Serously, you hurt yourself” Johnny winced as mark applied healing ointment on johnnys hand. 

“Don't do that” 

Lucas didn’t hang around mark a lot after that, he apologized greatly, on his knees, a bit too over the top. Johnny even took advantage and made Lucas buy him lunch for a whole month. 

“Leave him be” 

“He kissed my love, of course not”

Johnny kissed him lots after that, trying get the taste of another man out of mark. 

“Mine”

“Yours”

-

Mark didn’t expect Johnny to show up, he didn’t expect Johnny standing at his doorway, hair slightly wet. He cut it. It was slicked back, dyed full black. 

“Hi”

“Hey” 

Once Johnny was passed the doorstep, everything was off the table. 

“So uhm— I haven’t been here in so long, it’s changed” he scammed the room, no longer dull, now colorful and full of life, plant life. 

“My roommate, jaemin, he decorated” 

“Roommate” Johnny arched his brow “or Boyfreind” 

“Does it matter, it’s none of your concern” it came out harsher then mark wants it too, but he has every right to be. 

“Right—right, so what am I doing here mark?” 

Why did you show up. Is what he wanted to say but the words hung on the tip of his tongue. He couldn’t say it. 

So he made up an excuse. 

“Your stuff, you left some stuff here” 

“Oh” 

“I’ll get them” Mark left and came back his two boxes, it was johnnys old painting stuff. 

“You could’ve thrown them away, honestly” 

“Didn’t know if you wanted me too, and also—“ 

He fumbled through the living room closet, pulling out some paintings. “these.” 

These were gifts for mark, a panting of his favorite flower, and a painting of mark. Probably johnny's favorite piece. Mark sleeping soundly on a bed of roses. Sunlight on hi face, angelic.

And exact replica of what Johnny saw one morning he woke up. It was the only time he had the urge to paint again, mark became his muse. 

Beauty, poetic, elegant. 

Johnny remembers it all too well

“These— were for you” 

“Well I don’t want them”

“Throw them out, then” 

“Fine”

-

Mark shouldn’t have asked Johnny to stay for dinner, but mark had manners, and it was freezing outside. 

“You cook? Since when, you couldn’t even make eggs” 

“Hey I can make eggs now” Johnny has the nerve to laugh, it’s been a while since mark heard it, his heart absolutely sank down to the floor. 

“I have a phone, take out is always available”

They got pizza, mark remembering johnnys favorite, eating pizza with your ex was always a vibe. 

“Why did you break up with me?” 

It’s something mark always wondered, Johnny froze pizza still in his mouth. “Tell me, You owe me that much at least.” 

Johnny sighed, taking a deep breath. 

“I—“ he started “don't know, i was scared, of what? I don't exactly know, I loved you mark, still do but— I needed something different”

“Different?” 

“I have my dreams mark, and I didn’t see you in them” 

Mark wanted to yell, scream, but it wasn’t the moment too. All he could do was let streams of tears fall down. 

“why didn’t you just tell me I would’ve of—“

“Given everything up for me?” 

Mark swallowed a lump, it’s been stuck there since that day. It’s true. 

“I didn’t want you to do that, I would feel like shit, you deserve better, I didn’t deserve you” 

They didn’t say anything more, ate their pizza, listened to the sound of the rain, the thunder. The storm was back. Mark hated it. 

“I should go, thanks for the pizza, I’m sorry for a lot of things” 

Again mark was so stupid, so so stupid. Because he didn’t want to let Johnny go. “Don’t go” he held onto johnnys back, wrapping his arms around his waist, holding him tight, tight, tight. 

“Please” he whispered. It was more of a plea. 

-

Something in their minds knew it would end up like this, mark under Johnny, panting his name like a prayer. The only light in the room being the moon, the curtains wide open for anyone to see. 

“Ah—“

Mark was always beautiful like this, sweaty, naked, soft plush skin covered in love bites. Legs pushed up impossible, hanging on johnny's shoulders. 

Soft whimpers and grunts filled the room. 

“Please, faster”

Johnny gave Mark everything, even now. And It was wrong, so wrong. They shouldn’t be doing this, exes don’t do this. But mark begged and cried. 

And Johnny is a weak man. 

“So tight, god” 

Mark whimpered, body trembling as it remembered the touch of Johnny. Clampy hands digging deep into his waist, fingers pressing hard onto his skin, probably bruising him. 

Neither of their brains were in control, their bodies took over. 

“Big—oh— Johnny! Right there—“ 

His body remembered Johnnys shape well, spreading him wide, filling him deep. But mark refused to be prepped, he was already hurt, he didn’t mind a little more pain.

Mark sobbed, tears staining his cheeks, he couldn’t count the amount of times he’s cried in the last months. 

“Don’t cry—baby” Johnny's voice crumbled with each trust. He was close, and so was mark 

Johnny sped up, ramming inside, turning mark pliant and limp, mark came, hard and loud. And even after that, he let Johnny use him, let him chase his own release. 

“So good, so good for me” 

It was Marks moans of over-stimulation, the constant clenching of his walls, it’s all it took for Johnny to come undone, filling mark up to the brim. Deep, deep, deep. 

Finally mark stopped shaking, he felt his body be lifted up, carried into his bathroom. 

“Lets get you cleaned” was all he heard before he closed his eyes, sore, tired and sleepy. 

-

Morning came, and mark found himself in an empty bed. It was a struggle getting up, hips so sore. But Johnny wasn’t in the living room either. Johnny wasn’t here. 

For a second time, walking out on mark without saying goodbye. Or so he thought. 

There was one two messages on his phone, one from jaemin reminding him to water the plants, one from Johnny, a simple “goodbye.” 

Goodbye Johnny. 

Yes mark was stupid. 

-

When jaemin came back, Mark wasn’t there to greet him, instead a note from mark saying he went to the store. 

Mark didn’t shop often, this was new. 

When he came back, hands full off groceries, jaemin panicked. 

“Woah woah here give me some” 

“Thanks, this is fucking heavy” 

“What’s the occasion?” 

“What do you mean” mark took a breather, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge, furrowing his brows at jaemin. 

“You never buy the groceries” 

“Oh, right well— I want to learn how to cook, so teach me?” 

Jaemins mouth curled into a smile 

“Gladly” 

-

Mark ruined a lot of dinners, no matter how many times jaemin taught him how to make pasta, soups, Jjajangmyeon among other foods. Eventually he got the hang of it. No more burning, or overcooked chicken. 

“This taste so good!” 

Spaghetti and meatballs was on the menu today, it was the best dish he could make, pretty easy and simple, despite ruining it a dozen times. 

It wasn’t the most festive meal but it worked. 

Christmas came fast, they both got invited to millions of Christmas parties, jaemin had the opportunity to go back home but instead stayed with mark. 

“You should’ve gone home, I know your mom wanted to see you and I’m not much companie” 

“It’s fine, since I told them I wouldn’t make it, they went to the states for a holiday trip and shut up you’re my favorite person in the world” 

“Mmm” mark hummed “well thanks”

“Plus It feels like we’re a couple”

There was silence for a second, crap I made it weird, jaemin thought, his mouth opened, ready to apologize. 

“We can be” 

“Huh?”

“I said we can be, a couple that is” 

“Mark I-“

“I know you like me jaemin, I’ve known for so long and I felt like I used it, you’re good to me— it would be hard to say I like you too right now but I do want to be with you, if you would let me” 

“Yes! I mean— god of course” 

“Someomes eager” 

“Can I kiss you, say yes” 

“Yes jaemin you can kiss me” 

It was soft, jaemins lips were soft, and eager. Hands held marks face gently, pressing him closer. 

No mistletoe needed. Just them. 

-

“You two look good together” chenle said.

It was another get together, it became a regular thing for them. Mark sat on jaemins lap, held tight by arms in his wait, jaemins head on his shoulder. 

It was a new year, new them. 

“Yeah I think so too” jaemin commented, and mark looked back, big bright eyes, glassy, beautiful and he smiled, placing a small kiss on his nose. 

“Please get a rooom” renjun shouted from the other side of the room. “There’s children here!” Jisung added, sipping on his apple juice box. 

They said their goodbyes and headed home. 

-

Mark barely made it last the door before he was being pushed against said door, his body closing it in the process. 

“Want you” 

“You have me” 

“bedroom?” 

It was easy to carry mark to his room, mark refused to sleep in his own room now, too cold and lonely, Johnny's presence still lingered. 

“This is in the way” jaemin tugged Marks hoodie off along with the shirt underneath. Small marks still trailed across his neck, down to his chest, left there by jaemin.

He liked to leave hickeys. Everyday.

“time for new ones, I think” 

Jaemin always took his time with mark, kissing him from head to toe, touching him all over, feeling every single patch of skin. 

He breathed all of mark in like a drug. Because mark is his drug. His lifeline. 

Jaemin likes to do a lot of things to him, bend him over everywhere, tease him, drop to his knees and eat him from the front and behind. Leaving mark a shaking, whimpering mess.

But mark craved for more, and jaemin gave it to him, maybe mark was a little greedy, and a little selfish.

“Please, hurry” 

“So polite and needy” he pressed a kiss on Marks temple, whispered an “Okay” and worked mark open. 

He loved to watch mark tremble and struggle to keep his hips up as he fingered him. Mark loves jaemins fingers, smooth and skilled. 

“Mmmmf-“ Marks face was pressed deep into the mattress, moans concealed but still loud as jaemin cockhead breached past his rim. 

Something jaemin learned is that mark likes it rough, hard and fast. Likes being used, likes being fucked deep into, and he's loud. Jaemin likes this position the best, he can’t see his face but he’s seen it hundred of times, happy, sad, annoyed, angry, and blissed out in pleasure.

This way jaemin could see himself, sliding ouf and entering, watch mark tighten, trying to keep jaemin inside. He could also grab marks hands, pulling them behind mark, pulling his chest up and off the bed. 

Fucking mark just like he wants it.

Small “Ah—Ah—Ah” escaped past marks lips, music to jaemins ears. 

He could be gentle too, slow deep thrust, rolling his hips, or sometimes he let mark take the lead, he didn’t mind watching mark bounce up and down. but not tonight. 

“So pretty like this hyung” 

“Fuck— jaemin— please— more— make me forget—make me forget everything!” 

He goes faster, deeper, pistoning his hips, loud smacks, and wet sounds fill the room. Mark wails, screams, pleads to god. 

And he fucks him like this for hours, pass the orgasms, pass his own orgasm. Fucks him for what he’s worth, which is everything. Fucks him till all mark remembers is his shape. 

Till he forgets

-

But mark doesn’t forget Johnny, he still cries, more often then he admits. 

And when Johnny texts him again, months after he spent the night at marks apartment, He jumps, grabs his phone and texts back immediately 

“Let’s grab a drink?” 

Because mark is hopeless.

**Author's Note:**

> Of course there’s probably going to be a part 2 of this. When? Who knows. 
> 
> I hope this was good, finished it in like two or three days because I still have no electricity at my house, so I’m getting busy.
> 
> Leave a comment pls? <3
> 
> Twitter: @ gl0ssymark


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